i'm turning into a cuban

AT LAST! Thrown on my own freakin' resources, and to a certain extent forced to use some of those muscles that were possibly always dormant or at least unused for a long time. 

I realised a few weeks ago that I had misplaced, or possibly comprehensively lost, my 'ear buds' (I grimace at that phrase but I guess that's what they're called). I actually went to JB last weekend to buy some new ones because - fuck it, right? But I forgot, JB is freakin' closed, like everything except, you know, BWS. On searching the drawer of batteries and weird ephemeral electrical/audio cords I maintain, in the hope of finding some more ear buds (ugh) I found that I had some bluetooth ones, that were probably once given to me as part of some package or other of nonsense with a new phone. GREAT, WHAT ARE THEY. They came with no instructions but I have finally learnt, after twenty years, that you can usually google shit. So I squinted and strained (they're tiny) and found out the make and model and looked it up. As usual, the instructions were available, but written by a piece of shit with no capacity to communicate, certainly not to me, and possibly not to anyone. I certainly couldn't see how on earth, having charged these ugly things, you then turn them on. There was no off-on switch, labelled anywhere in the exploded diagram (not that exploded really, they're too simple to explode, do you break a butterfly on a wheel?) and just no indication of how this is done. I got really frustrated and felt like I was being taunted. To be honest on the one hand this is what it's like feeling old, but also, I have always felt like capitalism was only filling 85% percent of its part of the deal and that 15% was crucial. So, the instructions said you had to separate the bud backs to turn them on. What the actual fuck, I took out my corn cob pipe and croaked through my whiskers, is that supposed to mean? It literally does not make sense. The 'buds' are already separate, if joined by a thin cord. It took about three days of trying, giving up, and coming back to the thing to try and figure it out. Ultimately, I reasoned that to separate the bud backs one would first have to put them together. So I did, back to back, and realised they were magnetic. Why? I don't know, but it doesn't matter. You can put them together, and they join together, then you separate them, and suddenly the fucking thing is pairing with your device, and you can go out and listen to the Slate Political Gabfest, or spotify's fucked up suggestions for what you would be satisfied with in place of what you really want to hear, while you're doing it. Bloody nora. 

OK so in fact I'm actually glad that I was forced to use something I had, rather than hold onto it for a decade and finally throw it away or toss it in a brotherhood bin or something. This could catch on.