Monday, March 05, 2018

Here's another one

One day, a man visited a friend who was crippled. During the conversation, the crippled man said;
– Both phones are charging in the upper room. Could you bring them to me, please?
The man went upstairs and he saw something that would make him look so surprised; the crippled friend has two very very beautiful daughters! And he used her practical intelligence immediately:
– Your father sent me, to make love with you.
– How is it! Impossible!
The man;
– If you don’t believe me, let’s ask.
And the man called at his friend who downstairs;
– Both of them, right?
The crippled man shouted;

– Yes yes. Both of them please!…
What a funny joke, as long as you can hold on to the hilarious concept that a father has the right to donate members of his family to others for sex or, presumably, anything. COOL 
By the way... I understand the crippledness stops the father from going upstairs, but does it have any other value in the joke? Asking for a crippled friend... crippled with LAUGHTER! 

Thursday, March 01, 2018


These jokes that are suddenly all over fb are preposterous and addictive. I assume they are written in 90% good English by people from NESB backgrounds but perhaps the near-Englishness is part of the proposed appeal. It's 100% of the appeal for me. For instance this one from here:
One day a young handsome guy Richie was walking down the street when a frog called to him: “Boy, if you kiss me, I will turn into a charmful princess.”
The young man picked up the frog, smiled at it and put it in his pocket.
A short while later, the frog said, “Boy, if you kiss me, I will be a beautiful princess and I’ll be yours for all my life.”
Richie took the frog from his pocket, smiled at it and put it back.
Now the frog was upset. “Boy, what is the matter?” the frog cried. “I have told you that I am a beautiful princess, and if you kiss me, I’ll be yours!”
Richie took the frog from his pocket, looked at it and said: “Look, I’m a mechanical engineer.I have no time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”
'guy Richie'? Like, the film director? Is this supposed to be a reference to Guy Ritchie? Or is that just... ok, I'll leave it at wtf.
'Charmful'? Yes good.
'Look, I'm a mechanical engineer'. Is this a stereotype?! It's not like 'look, I work in IT' - which I guess is a stereotype (it still wouldn't be funny). Is the joke admiring of the mechanical engineer for taking this attitude? Boy, those guys sure work! Or is it contemptuous? Or... ok, wtf. 

Monday, February 12, 2018


I have been forgetting a lot lately, well that's not entirely true I suppose, I have been forgetting occasionally lately, but it feels like a lot, because you kind of expect to have everything at your fingertips. This morning I was on RRR and I wanted to be able to conjure up the name of a colleague just in case I was asked about him (too much detail, don't worry) the point being I could only remember his first name, and the last seemed like not just an empty dank hole, but more like a penetratingly frazzled desert, where thoughts, ideas and names were vaporised. Look it's OK, I don't need to remember everything - most of what I have to remember is meaningless - but still. Sucks when it happens!

Friday, February 02, 2018


On the bus with Wham’s ‘Everything She Wants’ playing. It’s actually better than I remember it, I remember it being sort of atonal and dull, but not really, it’s better than that, it has a lot going on. It’s just that chugging thing that I suppose made it seem a bit sluggish in my memory. I wonder what it’s about. I hope I never hear it again.


I wish I could do more in the Shaw alphabet.
I actually really believe in the Shaw alphabet , in the way I believe in vegetarianism and art. That is: everyone would benefit from it, I know they would. I have absolutely no doubt. You might as well say, ‘are potatoes yummy’, ‘is Sarah Silverman funny’. Of fucking course. Yet I also have to hold in my head simultaneously the knowledge that to embrace the Shaw alphabet is ‘too hard’ for too many people. (‘Too hard’ in the sense that: ‘I learnt something once, to learn an easier version is too hard').
I have probably said this on this blog before but OK I can say it again (maybe I’ll add something new via the wisdom of age): the Shaw alphabet is efficient, useful and good. 2018 English spelling completely stinks like ripe recently produced animal shit. No-one wants or needs that spelling. People ignore that spelling, because it’s obviously bullshit. It is a disaster and it should be avoided where possible, because it’s terrible. In the 1940s Shaw pointed out his name was really two sounds, a consonant and a vowel, but it was ridiculously wastefully spelt with four letters. True. He noted that the word ‘fish’ could also arguably logically spelt ‘ghoti’. Also true (I think it’s the gh in rough and the oti in… potion? Or something like that). He was right about English spelling. Not only is it illogical, it’s also inefficient and here’s something else he didn’t say – it’s unpleasant. And also, it wouldn’t occur to him that it’s classist and racist (it presumes a classical western education, and fuck that, right).

The Shaw alphabet would save us millions, every year. You need a lot less space to write things in Shaw. It takes less time and it also, incidentally, looks a lot better than horrible old whatever we call this, English Writing. People’s lame, unenlightened, sad, backward outlook and essentially people’s unwillingness to learn something new has robbed us of something beautiful, that is, a life in the Shaw Alphabet. People are jerks actually.

Tuesday, January 23, 2018

Late 1979, the wrap up

Ultimately my feelings about Summer Gold and late 1979 are mixed and colourful (you can have colourful feelings, right? Well, you can’t tell me I don’t). I do feel that you can sift out the album in all kinds of weird and wonderful categories, if you’re of a mind, into for instance disco pop, rock (there’s not much of that really – maybe three tracks), novelty (if you count ‘Up There Cazaly’, you’ve got at least two; except you might also count ‘Money’, although as we saw this was regarded as a ‘disco’ track at the time of its release at least in some quarters; you might also count ‘Twist A Saint Tropez’, I don’t know, you tell me). Then there are sublime ballads – about three of those – and, well, some outright shit that should be destroyed, but not much. I’ve made much of how surprised I am by the extensive lack of hits on the album, despite the extensive provision of artists who just had hits and/or were just about to have more, but not this time. So weird. That, in itself, doesn’t speak to the quality of the work. No album that features ‘Who Were You With in the Moonlight’ could ever actually be a bad album. And that song wasn’t a hit in Australia (by the way, I bought ‘Who Were You With in the Moonlight’ on iTunes a few days ago so I could play it on the radio, and I just want to say the rerecorded version of that song is one of the poxiest pieces of succulent pox I have ever had the displeasure of vomiting in response to. What a turd of a record. An absolute and utter turd. It’s always so strange when people don’t realise the value of what they’ve done, and seek to remake it for no good purpose whatsoever. Of course the fact that it's so good the first time, that makes it so bad the second time).

What kind of culture were we looking at in late 1979? I suppose the first thing to realise, and yes this was ‘my day’ in the sense of (whether I was listening to radio or not) there were very few songs in the top 40 at this point that I’m not extremely familiar with, and in various ways pretty positive about. There are a lot more drum machines and synthesisers in use than we were necessarily aware of in the moment, and a lot more studio experimentation on various records than was acknowledged. The lyrics were often highly dodgy, sticky stinky brown dodgy, and the sentiments and assumptions within and amongst them were shockingly awful, oppressive and dunderheaded garbage.

My high school, John Gardiner HS. A truly disgusting place and time. Photo credit: Fuck Off
I was 14 in late 1979, it was a highly horrible time to be growing up in Hawthorn going to the really, really bad high school and doing neither poorly nor well academically and essentially just wanting to get it over with. I may or may not have been listening to the radio 1979 but it wasn’t long before I really embraced pop music, at the edgy end. I note that the Pretenders’ ‘Brass in Pocket’, which I adored (and still have a super soft spot for) was a hit in early 1980. I spent a whole day willing that fucking song to come on the radio. I was so thrilled when I bought my copy of that single.

So maybe 1979 is not inherently interesting but interesting only to me. It seems like so much more! Probs not. That’s OK too. In fact, I sort of prefer it not being so perfect. Not least because it’s all dead and over now.

To finish up, a song that has nothing whatsoever to do with Summer Gold but which came out at the same time, I bought it a couple of weeks ago entirely on spec. Mick Drennan made a record and disappeared. Why couldn't more people do that?!*

* Perhaps even without the 'made a record' bit