When I was a kid at school people always seemed to be telling me to get into computers because that was where the jobs explosion seemed to be. I didn't give a loose root about computers, or jobs explosions for that matter. I suppose I expected the world to end or at very least society to crumble and I thought it was a smart move to stay as close to the centre of the city as possible so as to be cleanly vapourised by the a-bomb rather than hang on to useless painful life as you would if you were only on the edge of a nuclear hit. If this didn't happen - though I was pretty sure it was gonna - society would just crumble because what would hold it together? It was all bullshit! So, I didn't get into computers.
Therefore I didn't get into lots of things until I was dragged kicking and screaming, but I did of course get into publishing and I wrote a lot and had it read by a lot of people of various callings and walks of life. And I enjoyed, naturally, the play of broadcasting my opinions (or even just opinions I held for that second in time, as long as it was me speaking and I could imagine them reading) and while I probably would have paid lip service to the idea of everyone having the opportunity to talk back or publish themselves or be published themselves etc, even without the requirements of market forces, I nevertheless loved the power.
That's where blogging trips me up. I don't mind that only 5-10 people read this stuff, I could only ever imagine 5-10 people reading even when I was writing for magazines that claimed monster readership figures (of a million, or whatever). But the instantaneous unmediated feedback still sometimes (very occasionally) sticks in my craw. It's weird isn't it? And now wilting flower has become sufficiently sensitive to institute a block on any comment that hasn't been approved by me. I will probably think better of this and take it off in a couple of days but at the moment I feel happier with it as it is because I really didn't like the tone of some of the comments in recent weeks, particularly those from anonymous (who I imagine is not always the same person).
I don't know. I don't know whether to be democratic. I mean I know the price of vigilance is eternal... you know what I mean, but I also know that people don't have time to read everything here, they read a little bit and then, apparently a la ticking a box to say they've read it, send in some snide comment which ends up making me feel I can never be understood (I am thinking particularly of the comment I deleted last week from anonymous that said I was cynical and had jewish parents. Neither of those things are true. What do you do when there are ten dags of commentary on your blog entry's arse and one of them is just absurd, irrelevant, has missed your point (or assumed erroneously that you had one)?
I'll deal with it.