an oldie but a goodie

The people who set this joke up are dead now, as are most of the people who read it in the Brisbane Courier in January 1930. But cheer up, it's a joke.

driving past record launch

Was quite a night, or for me, an afternoon/ night (I was there for soundcheck at 4 and left at 2). Empress is a pretty great venue, after all these years, and we played pretty alright. Silver Ray and royalchord were wonderful, perfect supports and I really enjoyed both. Thanks to them and to everyone who came.

Image is Mia packing the Honda in Nicholson St late at night. That thing is a Tardis.

Speaking of which (this is not a segue, just stream of consciousness) last night's Dr Who was a corker, although the suggestion at the end of the ep that Elton and Ursula had a love life freaked/grossed me out and is probably something I will return to in 'down' moments for a long time to come.

don't hold others back

... is the theme of a totally insane advertising campaign running on tv and on public transport at the moment. Cunningly night-of-the-living-dead-ish the images might be (slovenly zombie people draped on decent citizens trying to get places or get on with their jobs; I notice that however eerily and deadenedly draped the holdbackers are, the male ones don't connect crotchwise with their hosts, just in case you think it's an ad decrying dry humping) there is one little problem with it. WHAT THE HELL IS IT ABOUT?! Is it, as I suspect, an ad trying to tell people not to hold the doors open on trains so other people can get on? Is it, as I suspect, an ad attempting to suggest that the reason so many trains are late is that selfish citizenry are preventing them from running on time? If it is, then it's probably sensible to make it so obtuse, as the message is completely ludicrous - if anyone came out and said this was the reason the trains are late all the time, they'd be laughed out of court (or wherever they were when they said it).

While I'm at it, can I please get a punch or two in on the 'fare evaders' ad campaign. This at least says what it's meant to say - that fare evaders are 'supported' by other passengers. Of course, it's not true and if it was, can we please have a scaled ticket system where the more tickets are bought, the cheaper each individual ticket becomes? The new smart card system could easily calculate this and give us a refund every day, based on how many fares were paid for.

These campaigns are, however, unmitigated bullshit (well, I say that about the 'don't hold others...' but I actually don't know what it's for - perhaps I actually agree with it). (No, I looked at the website, and I was right about what it was about, and I don't). Talk about ingenuous. I propose a new ad campaign blaming commuters for the indicators and train announcements on the trains themselves being wrong half the time.

a morning stroll

I decided this morning to walk to the tram stop at Airport West. I looked at it on the map and it didn’t look radically distant from our house – at least, as far away as Gowanbrae (which we can see from our front window) and a little bit extra. Well, it actually took an hour and a half, and that’s a fair hike really, though I blame myself to some degree (as opposed to the gods of topography and public transport) because I did take a rather roundabout way in search of ducks.

We have traditionally had a lot of ducks around the ‘wetlands’ and I grabbed some old muffins/ a rye bread crust as I went out the door. These had actually been sitting around since the weekend because I had taken the dogs out then and been unable to find any ducks en route. This morning I specifically first of all went to the bridge over the creek near the footy ground where there have always been ducks in the past. Yes, there were four traditional ducks and some unusual little black things with tiny heads and red beaks. If you are a duckspert you might know what these are. All I know is they are less enthusiastic about old muffins than the usual duck.

It seemed a shame to waste all my wealth on a few half-hearted duck and ducklikes so I walked on the west side of the ‘lake’ where I had often seen egrets, etc. There I found only one duck who could hardly be bothered getting her feet dirty on the weed.

The last chance was the so-called bird sanctuary area on the south side of the western ring road. This was where it was going to happen. When I came up to the bridge there were a couple of exotics hanging out, long-legged things, one of those dusty blue cranes and something with a puffin’s beak, but of course as I approached they fled (in the air; I suppose I should say they flied). There was a black item with blue on it in the bushes, very handsome, which also ran a mile (not flied) when it saw me coming. Prick. But this was my last chance to unload the bread and breadesque items, so I tore up a muffin and put it on the bridge posts should the tall ones return and feel peckish after their hysteria, and I threw some skerricks at the black and blue thing, which took a bit away. Madness. I mean what’s it all about, when you can’t give away some old stale muffin? Birds are spoilt, and that’s it.

I continued to walk, walking on the path, towards my goal-destination. As I walked, I thought things, simultaneously with my foot-led progress.

I also said good morning to everyone I passed along the way, even the people I suspected had no-one ever to talk to as they were so gross (there were a couple of these, a gruff white-haired stocky professional feller and a pallid ferret in a cap). Everybody said morning back except in a couple of cases, of people who were half of a pair the other half of which responded. My favourites were the elderly slavic or teutonic (judging by accents) couple walking roustabout dogs called Maxwell and Sophia.

There was a lot of airport action down at Essendon Airport, not surprising I suppose though I do wonder who is into that stuff. The police for one I think as the police helicopter was the noisiest bugger.

I actually thought yesterday I might be coming down with something but today I feel fine, though my feet hurt.

Woman to young boy on other side of aisle on this tram: ‘Dinosaurs? Stupid. There were no Australian dinosaurs. Maybe a million years ago. There was no Australia a million years ago. This was the sea. Australia was under the sea.’ Verbatim. Not sure if she meant the boy was stupid for asking about dinosaurs or that dinosaurs were stupid. Surprisingly from the intonation (which you can’t argue with) I suspect the latter.

more whinges to make you feel better

Now it's Tuesday and I probably can't blame drives to Healesville for my state of extreme lethargy. I wonder what it is. Perhaps myspace, which is clearly a mind control tool. Anyway, a pretty basically uninteresting Tuesday.

pipdate and voice recognition software

It is Pip Proud's 57th birthday today, despite the number of times he has told me he is going to be 60. Unless he lied about his age in his entry in Australian Poetry NOW! in 1970 when he said he was born in 1949. Anyway, Pip is probably about to do his first live show since 1969 when he played the Arts Vietnam benefit (unless the Best in the World concerts came afterwards - I thought they did). He will be supporting Ariel Pink later this month somewhere, I forget where. His backing band will be me, Mia, Julie and Marney. There will be at least four songs, all new. As I just a short while ago said to confirmed Pip fan Ash Wednesday, it is guaranteed to be interesting.

What's bugging me though is the driving to and from Healesville. It's not that long, really, a bit over an hour and as I've said in this place before, it's a marvellously pleasant drive through Kangaroo Flat and Christmas Hills. But I went to and fro yesterday and I am just totally and utterly exhausted (of course, waking at 2.23 am and going back to sleep after 4 didn't help).

Yesterday afternoon after rehearsal Pip and I went to Campbellfield K Mart to buy him some Lego. He wants to build Lego things to get some strength and movement back in his left hand, which is pretty useless after the stroke and some bad surgery. It's very interesting to me to hang around with a blind man - other people's reactions, from the 10 year old boy who said loudly 'That man's blind', upwards. Most people are just very respectful/ scared? Pip regaled me with the various condescensions he's suffered in recent months, from the nurse (I think it was a nurse) who said in his hearing that blind people were quite intelligent, upwards. He told his doctor he was hoping to get some improvement in his arm movement and the doctor laughed, which naturally makes Pip very angry.

Pip is an incredibly intelligent man (not just because he's blind - joke) with various problems brought upon him. I am very keen for him to get a computer with voice recognition so he can write his life story. Anyone got any recommendations? It's been a long time since I've seen this in action - probably the late 90s - and it seemed problematic to me then, though I suppose you could create documents that someone could clean up/work with. I guess I could go online (hey, wait - I already am on line! How's that for efficient!) and search for it. Dragon or something? But I'd like to hear other people's opinions.

* PS Pip's short memoir of his music career is in the next Meanjin, or at least I think it is.

peter bjorn and john

So I got the Peter, Bjorn and John album to review. I think 'Young Folks' is pretty much the best pop song I've heard this year, though admittedly I have heard a few. The video is pretty funny too though I don't think that's what made me like the song particularly. The album has a few songs that are as good as 'YF' as well. I should post more about stuff I hate, as I notoriously write brilliantly about that kind of stuff. As it is all I can manage is a 'it's really good'. Is there an emoticon for 'it's really good'? That would save a lot of trouble too.