Tuesday, May 06, 2014

gym

These weren't really my problems

Since it has now been 7 out of the past 9 days I have been to the gym every morning before 7, I feel I can now confidently say, I have started going to the gym (also I went a few times before then but I wasn't in the groove).

This has been something I have intended to do for some years now, believing it was the last remaining option for me to lose weight and develop stamina. I was always put off, however, by awkwardness, self-consciousness, and the fear of men. Well, I had to crash through all of those.

I remember when I learnt to drive (about 12 years ago now), I felt ridiculously self-conscious about the possibility of looking like an idiot while being propelled by an engine. Similar fears beset me about the way I may have appeared while exercising. I am not sure where this comes from. Anyway, like a lot of these things, I have ended up completely forgetting to worry about it while attending to the task at hand.

What amazes me is that I am also almost OK with the changing rooms. This is of course my greatest fear. I am disgusted by men's bodies, which I suppose comes from certain dimly recollected childhood experiences that I won't go into today, or in fact probably couldn't even if I wanted to, which I don't. I am sort of simultaneously appalled and almost admiring, though not really, of the way that many men are entirely unconcerned about taking their clothes off in front of other men. I never look, but I am aware that this is happening. It is very stressful. Negotiating hairy arses to get to your locker is never a joy.

Last week (but not this week) there were young boys (10? 11?) in there too. This weirded me out in a different way, I suppose since the media is so filled with the assumption that youth are prey. I guess a critical mass in the changing rooms stops anyone doing anything too controversial there and everyone remains unaroused. Clearly the problem lies with me and the strange education I have received in what people (men in this case) do around other men.

Of course, I have not yet lost weight, and the general slight rise in my feeling of wellbeing is probably a placebo, but I think I am going to stick with it for the time being, and I am not yet regretting anything.

No comments:

the early 70s was all juxtaposition

October 1970, everyone had their arms out in the air, from Barbra to, um, whoever that is on the left, to Thumbelina. This is from the Sprin...