I actually want to raise my eyebrow at every one of these, but I should probably get on to more serious matters...

This joke is called 'backpack', and it's here

There were three passengers in a plane that was about to crash. One was the smartest man in the world, one was the President of the United States, and one was a little girl. However, there were only two parachutes. 

The first man, the smartest man in the world, stood up and said, “The people who would benefit the world the most should be the ones who get the parachutes. I, being the smartest man, am one of those.” With that he grabbed one and jumped out. 

The president looked at the little girl and said, “I’ve led a good long life, and you’re just starting yours. You take the last parachute.” 

And the little girl replies, “Don’t worry; there is one for both of us. The smartest man in the world just took my backpack!”

(1) This has got to be pre-Trump. In Trump era, it's so confusing, with the 'smartest man' thing, and the President being in the plane alone with the little girl etc, not that anyone's ever actually said that Trump is a pedophile but if I was writing jokes I wouldn't go there

(2) I was really hoping this would be the joke that ended with 'me not dumb, me not silly, me hold onto daddy's willy' but I guess that was a different plane

(3) where's the pilot

(4) fuck this shit