my life as a child star

I am in this clip from 1:26. What were my parents thinking? I know that Michael Jackson, after talking to my mother in Vegas 34 years later, realised that this early exposure - during which I was in absolutely no physical danger - sealed my future as a celebrity allowing me the opportunity to accept billions of dollars in endorsements in later life, and thus put his own plan in action on behalf of Blanket, who he dangled by one leg from a German hotel balcony in November 2002. Vince Lovegrove was crouched in the bushes four stories below, ready to carry out a scheme which, oddly, was not pre-arranged but in fact entirely happenstantial; he was staying in the same hotel, and had been to see John Waters in Glass Onion, as VInce likes to yell obscenities and throw shit at Johno every time he puts on the show, but he's been banned from all Australian venues. When he saw the incident taking place he accidentally dropped a vial of acid he hadn't got round to throwing at Waters, in the bushes so he wandered in there to take a piss. Both Vince and Michael agreed later that had Jackson actually dropped Blanket, the patented Lovegrove catching ability would have ensured no tragic ensuance.

You will notice that in this clip though cute I have very long arms and legs. This abnormality later corrected itself through the natural life phase of years of gruelling operations in hospitals done by doctors with saws. I recall the headmaster at Auburn South Primary School once asking my mother if there were gorillas in my family, of which she was most offended, being proud of our gorillistic heritage.

Many people ask me today if I am sick of seeing this clip, which is shown whenever I appear on This is Your Life (yes, it's been 11 times now) and similar tributes. Of course not. 'Build Me Up, Buttercup' is a great song which satisfies mind, body and spirit. I often tell the story of Bon taking me to a whorehouse after the taping though as I always add the story is untrue; he merely tossed me an old Esquire in the green room. I wasn't even sure he was tossing it to me; I had been put in the wastepaper basket for safekeeping while Mom went out for a night on the town with Doug Lavery, who had promised to introduce her to his predecessor as drummer for the Valentines, Warwick Findlay.