Friday, February 02, 2018


I wish I could do more in the Shaw alphabet.
I actually really believe in the Shaw alphabet , in the way I believe in vegetarianism and art. That is: everyone would benefit from it, I know they would. I have absolutely no doubt. You might as well say, ‘are potatoes yummy’, ‘is Sarah Silverman funny’. Of fucking course. Yet I also have to hold in my head simultaneously the knowledge that to embrace the Shaw alphabet is ‘too hard’ for too many people. (‘Too hard’ in the sense that: ‘I learnt something once, to learn an easier version is too hard').
I have probably said this on this blog before but OK I can say it again (maybe I’ll add something new via the wisdom of age): the Shaw alphabet is efficient, useful and good. 2018 English spelling completely stinks like ripe recently produced animal shit. No-one wants or needs that spelling. People ignore that spelling, because it’s obviously bullshit. It is a disaster and it should be avoided where possible, because it’s terrible. In the 1940s Shaw pointed out his name was really two sounds, a consonant and a vowel, but it was ridiculously wastefully spelt with four letters. True. He noted that the word ‘fish’ could also arguably logically spelt ‘ghoti’. Also true (I think it’s the gh in rough and the oti in… potion? Or something like that). He was right about English spelling. Not only is it illogical, it’s also inefficient and here’s something else he didn’t say – it’s unpleasant. And also, it wouldn’t occur to him that it’s classist and racist (it presumes a classical western education, and fuck that, right).

The Shaw alphabet would save us millions, every year. You need a lot less space to write things in Shaw. It takes less time and it also, incidentally, looks a lot better than horrible old whatever we call this, English Writing. People’s lame, unenlightened, sad, backward outlook and essentially people’s unwillingness to learn something new has robbed us of something beautiful, that is, a life in the Shaw Alphabet. People are jerks actually.

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