awake

Once again, awake early. Went to sleep around I think 11. Woke up around 4. There was another time of being awake in the middle there. The sleep app says 'sleep quality' was '51%'. This time around my plan is to stay awake until ten or so, so that I will actually have appropriate sleep tonight. Who knows. 

I had one of those dreams that millions of people have no doubt already had, about having the chance to kill Donald Trump and not getting round to doing it. 

what is sleeping for?

Sleeping is ridiculous, and it is one of those things that you really have to wonder - why on earth do we need it? Do we need it? I find this enforced downtime a real drag on my productivity. Like a lot of things, I also find it depressing how so many people claim to love sleeping, which seems to me like craving death, or at least, abnegating responsibility. I get nothing out of sleeping except it makes me less tired. I also, as I whinge frequently here, find it hard to do. It's so irritating to be compelled to do something, yet not be at all desirous of it, and to then find it so difficult to achieve. 

Last night (actually, it's still dark as I write, but just after 6 am) I slept moderately, let's say comparatively, well - the sleep app says 71%, which is much better than usual. I went to sleep between 11 and 12, woke around two (from a fairly pathetic dream about trying to escape ethnic persecution in Europe - who do I think I am) then went back to sleep around 2:30 until just after 5. It's a nonsense, really. Nancy was here until after five, at which point she got up but refused to go out until the second time I gave her the option. (She just came back in, alerting me to her requirements by banging on a clothes rack I have just outside the door). We have had a good weekend together, just hanging out. Sometimes she just looks me in the eye and meows, and I think, you've forgotten what you even want. 

went out last night

Went to 'see bands'. There was so much on last night that it felt bad seeing anything because of all the things you had to miss out on. Not going to name (though it would not be a matter of shame) but my initial plan to see Parsnip at Catfish, then go to the Spotted Mallard to see Stephen Cummings, then back to Catfish to see Bent, went awry due to (1) necessity to go and feed animals at Lorraine (2) certain people backing out of commitment to come too, which meant that I felt greater responsibility towards certain people who hadn't backed out of nothing. But that was fine. Ended up seeing Dacios at the Old Bar too, which was mega. 

Dacios at the Old Bar 11 Feb 2017

Then as I was walking back to Clifton Hole I got a text message from Mia saying I had left my keys in the door at Lorraine. The day had been pretty full-on, with work things, which is surely the only reason why this had happened. But clearly I had to deal with this immediately so I had to take a taxi back to Broadmeadows and get the keys. Ridiculous. Then being all drunk anyway I decided the smart thing to do was walk as far as I could - I walked to Oak Park station that probably takes about an hour, then got a train. I had actually imagined there would be precisely no people on the late-night trains particularly going into the city at 4am but no. There were probably about ten. By the time I got onto the train at Flinders St going towards Clifton Hole I was filling pretty sick and very tired, I actually fell asleep between Collingwood and Clifton Hole despite having put my alarm on, it did go off but I just incorporated it into my dream but um... to cut no story into nothing, basically I woke up anyway. 

Today I did almost nothing at all. I got a haircut and bought some sunglasses. Going to have an early night. Goodnight! 

bleak

OK that was a bit bleak, apologies. I also realise there might have been some confusion - I meant 'tears' as it rhymes with 'bears' not 'beers'.

Anyway the last couple of days have been better. Everyone has this kind of thing occasionally surely. I suppose they tend not to blab and blue about it like a sad hungry kitten though.

... same as this

The thing is I have to get up really soon anyway. Having been awake for a couple of hours.

No I don't have any dog stories. Their lives are typically fabulous I think. They continue to be two delightful and extraordinary individuals.

How is your 2017. Mine has pretty much sucked beyond sucking, so far. Kind of like wearing a tight blindfold with a couple of tiny tears in it that occasionally reveal something of interest or value then it's back to... I don't want to say the darkness or blackness or something as that is too melodramatic, as was that attempt at a metaphor.

following on immediately from previous post

But here's a weird thing, why are my feet so itchy? My feet are massively itchy (is this a gross thing to write about? Maybe. Depending on the reason e.g. boy's germs). I seem completely unable to impact on this situation. Although you know sometimes I like to walk on the road with no shoes on. I really do. It's a great feeling. Try it.

sleeping is both boring and necessary

Which reminds me, I also have to do my tax return. That seems to come around every other week.

Nancy and I have synchronised sleeping patterns, which is problematic really. If I sleep all the way through to morning (very rare) she will too, but if I wake up between three and four (very common) she will get up and want to go out. Or is that what's happening? Sometimes it's like she wakes up first. Is that synchronised? No, not really, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Because I slept for about three hours and I have a huge day ahead which only adds to the stress, blah blah.

all i can say is

actually, nothing. I got nothing. The world is too strange. Here's Nancy a few days ago. 

door crushing

I fell asleep at a good time (10ish) then dreamed a very heavy sliding door, sliding from the top like a garage rolladoor but very old and made of stone, was on top of me, making me immobile. I guess it was all a little Indiana Jones or something. Only I hadn't narrowly escaped. Woke up at I think 10:46. The sleep app tells me this is inadequate. It doesn't sleep so it doesn't know anything.