helmi may 2026

I can't remember if I told you that Helmi basically became a ghost for a few months there, when the only way I knew for sure she was still alive was by the fact that she was eating food in the middle of the night (she eats hard food, Nancy only eats the hard food the first serving from a newly opened bag). I did occasionally pull the bed out from beside the wall and she would run out, run away and then run back, meowing pitifully all the way. 

Well now she's decided to go beyond, or behind or under, that stupid behaviour and back to her ordinary stupid behaviour. She is now often on the bed (or in it). She will stay under the bedclothes, as far as I can tell because I don't think she knows how to get under the independently, for an entire day. Does any of this shit make sense? Nope.
 

then I got sick

Shortly after posting the previous, I came down with something, a minor thing. You have to take these things seriously of course but it's still a stupid, unimaginative, boring, dull, irritating, minor illness which will soon die and not be missed. Meanwhile, I have found that as is so often the case, pets (and a really perfect girlfriend not pictured) are a comfort. 
 

why are you like this

 

Helmi is growing as an individual, I mean, spiritually and perhaps even intellectually. She is sufficiently in touch with her emotions at the same time that she will very happily connect to real world 'acting out' options when she feels it expresses her experience. Often, when I sit on the bed, she will sit like this in relation to me: more or less perpendicular, facing out. I have never had a cat (as I recall) so keen to face away from me. I don't understand what she gets from this arrangement.* 

Needless to say she is as different from Nancy as could be imagined, and if I were a fly on the wall it would warm my little fly heart to see how much I** try to convince myself (and them) that they are starting to get along a little better. Every moment when they are not hissing at each other, in fact, is perceived by me as sisterly, and in a good way. Unfortunately their tolerance towards being in (for instance) the same room as each other does not extend to having that pointed out i.e. once they have to acknowledge each other it goes to hell. So every day is a domestic violence stress out really. But I do enjoy having them both around. I also enjoy imagining that, when I get my dog, the troubled twosome will come to appreciate that they have more similarities than differences. Perhaps Disney-style they will plot to rid the household of the dog, and also, Disney-style will eventually come to accept and even adore it. 

This is how I see the world and by the way, I blame Disney.

* Possibly it's not about me and it is more about the pleasures of staring at a blank wall. Nobody knows what goes through a cat's mind, least of all the cat. 

** Not me the fly obviously, me the real me

please, lock me away and don't allow the day here inside where i hide with my loneliness

Rare photographs of Helmi retreating from the hubbub. As I have probably bored you with previously I am very interested to see what her process will be in summer when it will be frankly too hot to get under a doona but on the other hand will that matter when you have a seriously sociopathic desire to hide during the day, and at any time any human being other than me is around. 

I have noticed that on the few hot days we have had so far this Spring she has been content to just sit on the bed, up near the pillow end like a stuffed toy. So maybe it's location location for her. 

She holds on grimly too, I have to say, considering the number of times I accidentally kick her or push her off the bed because she so often positions herself very close to me, but without letting me know she is there. She is always ready to take a pratfall at a moment's notice and seemingly bears no ill will and is back within minutes. That said, I am not sure what she thinks I am but I do know she has no problem with jumping over my head when I am asleep including digging the claws of her back feet in for traction.

Here's Nancy just for balance and to remind you how beautiful her face is. She used to be so ugly when she was malnourished and feral, her mind full of fear and resentment, and now she is a sophisticated and confident lady she has really grown into it. I approve of this. 

Going back to the above pictures I am reminded yet again of how disgusting the grey carpet in this otherwise beautiful flat is (also sorry you had to see my pyjamas). That grey carpet feels like a rental tenant nappy or bib, or in any case something that says 'look let's be clear, you can't help shitting on the floor and we can't be expected to do anything but put down newspaper to minimise the damage to our investment'. I actually don't know what the floorboards of this flat look like but surely floorboards would be better even if you have to send chester in to estapol them every ten years. Whatever, not going to be my problem for a whole lot longer since I'm pretty certain I'll be in my forever home some time in inside the next twelve months.