exhaustion!

So I am 55* and I do have a fairly sedentary life, as much as I have kidded myself for a long time that one of my advantages was that I had some, I don't know, resilience? Tenacity? Anyway for a week now I've walked 20 000 steps a day (that's approx 12 km) and I am here to say, it's absolutely doable. However, the surprising part of it is that I am so tired a lot of the time! I had not expected that, I thought it was just a time commitment in terms of the hours (3-4) spent doing the damn walking. (Btw don't even think of telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing - I'm doing this). But beyond that even more surprising: I am dead tired, but my mind is racing. Last night I passed out (I'm seriously going to call it that) waiting for the sun to go down so I could get in the final 3500 steps of the full contingent, got up and did it, was falling asleep again by 11, but had this exceptional detailed fine-grain, fully designed with its own aesthetic, dream about a superhero called Handyman (ha ha) who lived/s in the electricity substation building two doors away from where I live, in an amazing split-level apartment basically hiding in plain sight. Every time people from the electricity company (whoever that literally is these days, I don't know) come to check on the status of that building, he puts his hand on their head and his touch generates a blue spiral and they believe whatever he tells them, which in this case is something like 'it's just a relay station'.  So that is basically his superpower - that he can touch people's heads and make them believe whatever he tells them. I am not sure what the rest of the movie was about, but there was a scene in a kind of bad boutique pet shop where he brainwashed (whatever you want to call it, blue concentric circled) the owners to dedicate their lives to the welfare of not only these animals but all animals, and I think to stop using the pet shop as a drug front (how they were supposed to make money I don't know). Sorry, it's a cliche but hell it was a superhero movie and to be honest I am not that au fait with that genre, all things considered. 

So this is how 2020 ends for me, overactive mind and no capacity to do anything creative with it. I sleep very deeply but for less than 6 hours/night. 

Today is a 32-degree day and I am on a team for a trivia competition at the virtual work christmas party tonight so I decided I would try and conserve my energy (day off). If I don't get back on the horse tomorrow then whatever but I think all things considered I probably will, because actually all immense exhaustion aside, I do feel better, this is a really interesting state to be in and also I want to see what happens to Handyman. 

By the way, he has these really weird, long wavy fingers, sort of like crustacea tendrils. I don't think there's anything sexy about it though people will sexualise anything these days. 

* and a half